One of the most bizarre — and ridiculous — press conferences of recent times took place in Canberra today; this cretinous, toe-curling, blood-curdling horror movie makes Craig Emerson The Red And The Blue‘s Idiot Of The Week. And it’s only Monday!
Readers will, I’m sure, excuse this indulgence; as most of you know I am too time-challenged at present to post as regularly or as comprehensively as I would like.
Nonetheless, there is still time to dish it out to morons like the Minister for Trade and “Competitiveness.”
Watch this, with thanks to Brisbane’s Courier-Mail (it’s better than any YouTube clip I could have chosen).
There’s nothing spontaneous about a stage-managed stunt; by the same token, there’s nothing effective or hard-hitting about something as contrived as this.
The music doesn’t cue for several excruciating seconds; and when it does, Emerson contorts into one of the most ridiculous “dance” routines seen this side of a prepubescent disco — imbecilic grin at the lips — and proceeds to “sing,” out of sync and out of key, an abominable bastardisation of the lyrics from “Horror Movie” by 1970s group Skyhooks.
“This is the mood in Whyalla,” Emerson states as he waits for his carefully rehearsed (and painstakingly mangled) little choreography act to kick off to the music.
There might not be a “Whyalla wipeout right there on the TV” but the temptation — for the poor suffering journalist — to wipe the smirk off Emerson’s face must have been almost irresistible.
Politics is politics, and both sides in Canberra are playing theirs pretty hard at present; it’s obvious who is more effective at it, judged by the huge lead the Liberals currently hold in the polls.
And is it any wonder, when this is the sort of thing the ALP serves up as a serious contribution to debate.
Whatever linguistic atrocities may be served up in political debate at present — and an asseveration that Whyalla might be “wiped off the map” if a carbon tax is implemented certainly qualifies (sorry Tony) — these pale into insignificance beside juvenile and puerile japes such as that performed for national TV by Dr Emerson.
As a senior cabinet minister, he should know better; as a member of the Prime Minister’s inner circle, he should have had more brains. And as an MP defending a marginal seat likely to be lost to the LNP in next year’s landslide, he should have thought twice before making himself a laughing-stock so publicly.
If I lived in Whyalla — even if I thought Tony Abbott was full of the proverbial and that the present government was the best thing since The Wombles — I’d be at least moderately disgusted by this performance.
And not least, to put it bluntly, because Emerson has now forever tarred the fine town of Whyalla with the mentally retarded stupidity of his antics.
No, Craig, it’s not funny. It isn’t a joke. But you certainly are.
Dr Craig Emerson, folks: Idiot Of The Week!
What a dickhead…
AND ANOTHER THING: This all comes in the same breath as reports that former New South Wales Premier Kristina Keneally feels “hurt and distress” at being compared with reality TV starlet Kim Kardashian due to Kardashian’s “negative reputation.”
Such was the substance of a complaint made by Keneally’s husband to the Australian Press Council (which dismissed the complaint), citing among other things the sex tape Kardashian once notoriously made with her boyfriend which catapulted her to international stardom.
Kristina Keneally is a highly capable and — by all reports — exceedingly charming woman. She is reputed to be a very tough operator. Coincidentally, she is also very attractive.
For all that shrewd toughness, something rings hollow — especially when the targets of the Keneally complaint just happen to be a former Liberal Party staffer and, indirectly, the Liberal Premier of NSW.
Blessed with her renowned resilience and astute mien, perhaps the pretty lady could have deployed a more subtle weapon: feminine guile.
After all, she has been compared to arguably one of the most beautiful women on the planet in Kardashian, the apparent lack of brains on the part of the latter notwithstanding; how much more effective (and so very deflating for her opponents) to smile, laugh, and accept “a well-earned compliment.”
A generation ago, former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher used a mix of female charm and dominance to steamroll the most implacable of male opponents; there was nothing gratuitous, demeaning or tokenistic about it — after all, it was Thatcher who was the perpetrator.
She showed women in public life the world over how to beat men at their game; and in this case, it may have been far more effective for Kristina Keneally to channel the spirit of a Thatcher than the letter of an ambit complaint.